I feel I need to start out by telling you that I started a draft for a blog post all the way back in early February. It was entitled “The Winter Without a Snowman… Until _______.” I left the last part blank in hopes that, at some point after that warm first week of February, I would still have a chance at building a snowman with my kids this year.
But let me back up.
Winter this year has been warmer than usual where I live – not a thing many of us would dare complain about. We had a big snowstorm one evening in late November, during which I was hunting from a ground blind with my kids, and all the snow at our house melted quickly the next day.
In December, the kids received a snowman kit for Christmas, and we couldn’t wait to put it to use.
We had another good snowfall at our house in early January. That one provided a great day of snow fun for the kids and me, but the snow wasn’t “snowman material” – it could be packed into small snowballs but that was really all we could get out of it. We enjoyed the day in the snow nonetheless, and figured the next time it snowed, we could try again to build our snowman.
Well, the next time it snowed enough at our house to even consider building a snowman was mid-January, and it was a Monday. The kids and I woke up to the snow and I told the kids that if we got home soon enough from the office (Mondays are the days on which we go into a physical office for me to work), we could build a snowman.
That wasn’t a well-thought-through statement on my part because although I meant it and would have stood by it, I didn’t consider that in mid-January, my busiest time of the year, I’d be lucky to leave by 4:30 or 5 that day which is about when it got dark that time of year. Sure enough, when we left the office that day, it was dark as night. I then told the kids that if I could get work done before dark the following day, we could go build a snowman. Well, Tuesday quickly filled with homeschool, meals and loads of work and – sure enough – I didn’t get to it that day either. On Wednesday morning, the snow was almost entirely gone. Come Thursday, there wasn’t a trace there’d been any at all.
While the warmer weather this winter has provided for at least a dozen playground trips during a time of year when we wouldn’t normally be able to go, I’ve also held onto some guilt about not being able to build a snowman with my kids after leading them to believe we would. We build one together at least once every winter – and this year we even had a kit!
The guilt only grew as weeks passed into February and we still were experiencing almost daily blue skies and consistently warmer temps. I LOVED it, but also kept kicking myself for not having taken even just an hour that Tuesday in January to try to build a snowman with my kids. I want to teach them that work before play is generally the way to roll, but sometimes the play just won’t be there anymore if you try to get ALL the work done beforehand. (Which is impossible anyway, by the way. There’s always more you could be doing.)
Weather conditions change, health and ability can deteriorate with age, seasons pass… and kids grow up. Sometimes the work needs to be the thing to wait.
The first week of February, I had a curiosity float through my mind. I was preparing to go on our first family vacation – ever – and I promised myself that I wouldn’t do any work. None. Not even checking email. For the WHOLE 9 days between the end of the prior workweek and the Monday I returned. While making this promise to myself, I wondered how long it had been since I had last taken off a Monday-Friday from my workplace. Whether personal time, vacation time, sick time, whatever. I couldn’t shake the curiosity, so I asked our HR Director and she emailed me back confirming my suspicion.
I started working part-time back in August of 2022 after working full-time there for over a decade. But the last time I had a Monday-Friday off was my maternity leave with my daughter in the summer of 2020. The time before that? My maternity leave with my son in the fall of 2017.
Yikes. I didn’t feel an ounce of pride or ANYTHING positive when I saw that in cold hard fact on my computer screen. My head instantly felt like I’d been spinning in circles, almost dizzy-like, and I couldn’t believe I’d allowed that to happen. I knew work was a priority to me, and I had taken off other random combinations – like a Wednesday through a Monday. Or a Thursday through a Wednesday. But never a full Monday-Friday as I felt that was too long to be away as it would have allowed a NINE day period between workdays. (And, worse, I always checked my email too, which I figured was harmless. I no longer agree and see it as an indication of an idol in someone’s life.)
I was convicted, not only of my allowing this to have happened, but also because I knew that deep down a part of this was because I had been trying to prove myself. Old wounds I thought were healed seemed to resurface as I explored why I had let this happen and the history behind it.
Add this to my already mounting guilt about no snowman yet and I knew I needed to pray about all of these things and about my upcoming vacation. I even started a blog post, in faith, entitled “The Winter without a Snowman… Until __________.” (I figured that the next time winter gave us some snow, I would make good, build that snowman, and hopefully have something worth sharing with others about the whole experience. Winter never did give me that chance, but more on that later…)
Suffice it to say that I now knew beyond a doubt that this vacation was an ordained time away with my family and with my brother’s family and that God would show up and teach me things during this time. He sure did. It tested my self-control to not even check email, it deeply empowered and encouraged me about how self-disciplined I can be when I decide that something is important to me, and I dug more into overcoming this feeling of needing to prove myself to anyone other than the Lord, who knows me fully anyway. I researched a few relevant books and ordered one that stood out to me to read during that week off, and I became aware of how I have allowed others’ negativity to drive me to “prove myself.”
My vacation was incredibly powerful for me, not only because I was able to make amazing memories with my loved ones and to have taken my first ever vacation like that in my life, but to also then have the weekend at home to read, reflect and receive what God seemed to be saying to me through this whole experience before stepping into work again. I needed some change. I needed to create better boundaries for myself through prayerful intentionality, and truly let go of what ANYONE else wanted to think or say about those. (Much, much easier said than done, especially when you’re someone who worries that it may come off as either arrogant or selfish. But, being overly concerned with others’ perceptions is an idol and is ultimately self-centered. It’s so hard to unlearn striving to please people!)
I have been developing better, more intentional, rhythms this past month or so since, which have already made me feel like I have myself together more than, well, maybe ever. I have learned new things that I’ve always wanted to learn, and I’ve been building in the things that are most important to me through habit-stacking (which has always been a very successful approach for me personally.) I feel a deep peace and assurance that if I live each day in the ways I believe, through consistent connection with the Lord, are His best for me and which allow me to best serve and obey Him, then it’s okay – it really is okay – to disappoint people sometimes. I always work with integrity and strive for excellence, but I need to do my best to not confuse the true priorities of this life.
Okay, back to the snowman, and my blog post..`
“The Winter Without a Snowman…. Until ________”, as it turns out, was never meant to be. Winter ended and spring began three days ago. The winter for us truly was without a snowman. The whole way through.
But… God provided and there is now this blog post.
“The Winter Without a Snowman. But Then Came Spring.”
Here we are, a few days into spring, and snow is inches deep on our lawn. My husband, who plows during the winter, even had to plow his route early this morning.
The MOMENT I awoke and saw the snow, before my kids even opened their eyes, my first thought was “Thank you, Lord. You gave me my chance to build a snowman.”
Thinking about it brings me to tears about how God hears the prayers of our hearts, no matter how small or silly they may sound to anyone else. It seems God waiting until it was spring to send this snowfall was something for me to ponder, and rejoice in the way He gives us gifts that no one else can. I know I appreciate it all the more because I had thought I’d lost the chance for it.
Shortly after the kids woke up, one of my friends texted me. I had told him previously about my snowman guilt and my months-long hope for just one more deep snow. It read, “Yay for one more snow! Hope you get to use the snowman kit today.”
The kids and I built the cutest little snowman despite the snow not being great for rolling snowballs. Instead, we packed snow into a nice round mound, created another mound on top, and that was enough to bring us all such joy. My son immediately gave him a hug and my daughter held his hand as if they were dancing together.
We got the moment we’d been waiting for. It just wasn’t on my timeline. AT ALL. I mean, winter was over. And I’d thought we’d lost the chance. But God’s timing isn’t ours, and He seems to always be full of surprises for us.
I couldn’t have made the snow happen. I couldn’t have just worked real hard and achieved it for us. The gift of another solid snowfall was something only God could give to us. We just had to get out there and enjoy it.
We lived into today, as I had promised myself we would no matter what day of the week we were blessed with another good snowfall.
There is a season for everything, but sometimes things don’t happen in the season we expect them to.
Now, as I type this, the sun streams warm through my western living room window and weather reports say that within two days’ time, we’ll see temps of 55-62 degrees for a few days. This very well may have been the last covering of snow we get til next year.
This was our window. And some things don’t wait.
Ecclesiastes 3:1,
HLC
sacred strokes 