Have you ever had one of those interactions that stays with you for a while and you realize it’s because something about it didn’t sit quite right? It may take some time to figure out what exactly was unsettling or off about the experience or situation and then – bam! – your mind and/or the Lord puts it into the right terms to understand why it was bothering you or weighed on your thoughts whenever you recalled the memory. When this happens, I try to focus on the aspect from which I myself can grow and improve and apply it to my own actions even if the lesson I’m taking from it is in regard to another person’s words or actions. In doing so, it’s hard not to allow pride or judgment to pull up a chair to the table, but it’s for the best that we kick them out of the party as soon as we realize they’ve snuck on into our time of reflection. So if you, like me, tend to have to bounce these uninvited guests from your thoughts from time to time, and you notice they decide to show their faces as you read through this, just kindly toss them to the curb before continuing on.
Anyway, I had such an experience a good while ago, and it took me some time to figure out why it felt off. Someone who meant well and I am sure had my best interests in mind despite not knowing me well personally, shared with me that they felt I needed to be aware of my limits and essentially not overextend myself. This was not because of some performance issue or stress signals on my part – no complaining, no negativity or woe-is-me language almost ever emerges from my mouth. (I have other faults, obviously, but that just doesn’t happen to be something I tend to do.) Rather, this came up simply because this person was aware of how many things I had on my plate and from their perspective, it must have seemed to be too much.
Perhaps you can relate to someone sharing something similar with you and perhaps that person was spot on and you appreciated the feedback. Perhaps you have shared something similar with someone you know well, and they received your words as needed truth. I, too, was gracious upon receiving this input, yet my mind could not let it go because something about it made me uncomfortable and not in a good kind of way. My brain bounced around thoughts ranging from “Could there be some truth to this?” to “Would he have said that to me if I was a man, or if I was older?” (Told ya, pride finds its way in for all of us pretty easily even when it may be a legitimate question.)
I wrestled with this a bit, because I want to be humble and teachable and, yet, not allow every and any ol’ input to speak into my life as if it’s from the Lord every time. (Most often, for most of us, it’s not.) I came to the conclusion that a person’s limits are not something which another human being has the authority or ability to determine. Limits and capabilities vary from person to person, yet we too easily project our own limitations or abilities on someone else as if “Well, that would be too much for me, so surely that’s beyond what she should really be doing.” Also, limits change. Our limits at 10 years old are not the same as they are at 30 or at 50 or at 70. In some ways, they will grow and expand and, in others, they will be less or lower than they used to be. Limits do not stay the same, nor should they.
For some reason, today I was reflecting on the concept of limits and my inner bristle at the idea of someone speaking into someone else’s life about their “limits.” I had a light bulb moment about this and here it is: We can speak into others’ lives about margin, but we must leave limits to the Lord alone.
So many biblical examples exist where the Lord used someone far beyond what he or she could have imagined, or what others could have either. I want to be sure that I don’t speak to someone as if the Lord cannot use him or her the way He has used so many before. It is just not my place to say.
Regarding margins, however, this is a way in which we can come alongside someone and help them to discern if they may need to make a change or reconsider their priorities. A good friend can offer loving guidance based on whether we have margin in our lives.
The Lord has told us that a Sabbath is necessary and best for us. When we think we know better than God about something, we will always be the one who’s wrong, and Sabbath is a good example of margin regarding time and energy. Likewise, financial margin is when you do not spend to your limit. Margin is when you have some space or breathing room after accounting for the various uses of your resources – be it time, money, energy, etc.
If margin (or Sabbath) does not exist for you, then you have indeed exceeded the limits or boundaries which you should have in your life. However, if margin does exist, then there is not ground to stand on if someone wants to claim that you are operating past your “limits.” Now, if you are not meeting certain criteria or standards, that’s a matter of perhaps not being in the right position or role and/or a need to revisit or reassess those standards, but I don’t think should be addressed in terms of “limits.”
This is why I think a great question to ask as a friend is whether he or she is consistently taking a Sabbath or time of rest. If not, he or she is likely doing more or working past what they really ought to be. Sadly, our misplaced pride and our culture applauds this, but not when the burnout, fatigue, depression and/or anxiety inevitably hit. Suddenly the world which had just moments prior been giving the thumbs up at such a “dedicated, hard worker”, curls it back and instead extends its pointer finger at “the fool who took it too far.” You cannot let such a fickle world dictate your life rhythms. On the flipside, if the person is taking a Sabbath, then even if we are amazed at what they are juggling and able to handle, we do not have ground to stand on to suggest that he or she is trying to tackle too much.
I also wonder if when we are obedient to prioritize margin, the Lord will perhaps grow and expand our limits in ways that would not occur otherwise. Working right up to the limit can be dangerous and draining. The quality of not only our output, but also of our lives, will inevitably suffer. But if we respect the margin and protect it, the buffer and space of that margin will in turn protect us.
Limit vs margin matters. I recall the exact day when my son took my directive to its limit when I told him to stay on the sidewalk as we were preparing to cross the street and he was several steps ahead of me. He walked right up, literally toes against the line, to the very edge between the sidewalk and the street before he stopped. Fortunately, a car was not coming at that moment, and I had to instruct him that, while he was still technically remaining on the sidewalk, he needed to leave a decent space between where he stood and the street so that a car would be less likely to accidentally hit him. A car doesn’t need to be off by very much to swipe someone on the side of the road, especially if that person is standing right on the edge of the street. Margin matters, and always will. Margins protect us in ways we may not even be aware of. But limits change, and they vary from person to person in different aspects of life. And when God gets involved, limits quite frankly just don’t exist. He can accomplish what He wants, through whomever He wants, and it doesn’t matter a lick about gender, age, race, education, skillset, none of it.
Limits are not ours to decide – they belong to the Lord. And, once we offer up our lives to Him, He can redefine those limits in ways we could never have anticipated. For His purposes, and for His glory. Amen!
Protect your margin, and allow the Lord to blow your “limits” out of the water. His limits are the only ones that matter.
Mark 2:27,
HLC
sacred strokes 