Last week, two houses were demolished across the street from my workplace. I was amazed at how quickly they were completely torn down, the debris picked up and hauled away. I reflected about how much time, many months even, were required to build each house so many decades ago. There must have been detailed planning, laborious construction (with less efficient tools than we have these days), and years of maintenance and upkeep. Then, in just several hours, both houses were no more.
As I was thinking about this, I realized that much in life operates the same way. Relationships, self-esteem, trust… The good stuff often takes time, even years to build up. Then, in one fell swoop, it can be easily destroyed, shattered by someone who we are perhaps giving too much power in our lives.
When it comes to trust, there are two general types of people. There is the type who will initially trust everyone until they are given a legitimate reason not to trust a particular individual. And there is the type who at first doesn’t trust anyone until they are given sufficient proof that they can trust a particular individual. I am not convinced that people differ genetically on this, as I am sure that we all want to be able to trust others. We all come into this world longing to be vulnerable and loved. Deep down, we want to be able to trust. And for those of us who have trouble doing so, there is something we have experienced in life that has caused us to be more wary. There has usually been hurt and pain and betrayal. Those are issues to delve into with a psychologist or counselor if they are impeding our current lives and relationships.
This all made me reflect on how easy it is to lose someone’s trust. Or to tear down someone’s confidence. Or to ruin a relationship. Be it due to malice or mere carelessness, it is far easier to destroy these things than to create them.
Spoiler alert: no one is going to do right by you 100% of the time. And you won’t do right by everyone else 100% of the time, either. That’s just the way it is. No one’s standards and expectations are quite on the mark anyway as we tend to be selfish creatures who haven’t quite shaken sin. We need to be understanding and forgiving of those who love us but are human, after all, and may let us down from time to time. Romans 15:1-2 tells us, “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up.”
We can also be more mindful of our loved ones who have trouble with things like building relationships, trusting others, or feeling a healthy sense of self-worth. Those are the folks we should especially go the extra mile for, to take special care not to let down when they need us. Those are the ones whose foundations are already cracked and groaning. They’re ready to fall. We can be the wrecking ball that deals the final blow, or we can be one of the construction workers. One of the folks who will tirelessly devote hours of time and energy to make their base more sound, their walls more solid, their roof less leaky. It’s going to be hard. We may have debris fall on us that we didn’t help to create. We might pour sweat and tears and prayers into a loved one because we believe that one day they will realize that they matter. That they are loved. That there are people who they can count on and trust. We are longsuffering because Proverbs 19:11 tells us that “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” We are told that love hangs in there. And there are some people we’d hang right off a cliff for.
That said, we can’t do it all on our own. Jesus was literally skilled in carpentry, so I am going to dub him the Carpenter of our souls. As much as we can try to build up someone we love, we will fall short or let them down at some point. We are humans and we will at some point utter a careless or hurtful remark. We may say things we don’t mean. Or that we do mean, but say in a way meant to wound rather than to heal or improve the situation. We might miss that emergency phone call or forget some important date or cancel on those long-awaited plans. We cannot rebuild someone else to completion. We can’t fix others. Not truly or entirely. I mean, we can’t even completely fix ourselves! But there is Someone who can. Someone who can take every crack, every rotted chunk of wood, every hole and faulty joint in our lives and make us sturdier than ever before. That Someone is Jesus.
Jesus is the One who we can always trust, no matter what our life situation. We can always call on Him, and He will be there. He tells us to be confident in Him, not to fear, not to minimize our worth. Psalm 139:13 reminds us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Romans 5:8 says that “God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” And Jeremiah 31:3-4 begins with God saying “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. I will build you up again…” We are so valued and loved by the Lord, it doesn’t even make sense. And unconditional love, even as we know it in our humanness, often doesn’t make sense, does it?
We can have a deep confidence, a sure foundation, in our soul because of Jesus. In John 16:33, Jesus tells His disciples “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Jesus will never let us down when we believe in Him and His leading, regardless of how we view our circumstances from our limited human perspectives. 1 John 4:4 states that “the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” Jesus has overcome and has brought us victory, as well! He can rebuild a soul like no one else can.
I suppose my thoughts on all this center around whether I am taking the time to be a builder, and also acknowledging the role and authority of the true Builder of souls. Am I looking to His leadership and representing His love in the best way I can? Proverbs 10:12 says that, “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” And the love of Jesus doesn’t just cover over all our wrongs – it eradicates them completely! They are gone! It’s a love we can’t even fathom! We can choose to likewise build others up in love, or tear them down in hatred. It’s really that simple. It’s a choice and it’s one that matters more than we may ever know.
1 John 4:19, HLC
sacred strokes 