When you hear the word model, what do you think of? A supermodel? A role model? A toy model? We have models all around us. The model I am thinking a lot about today is the model which represents how our relationship should be with our spouse.
If you aren’t in a relationship or married, I think it can still be beneficial to understand the biblical model of marriage, and what it should look like. Not in specifics, but in a broad, sweeping description which should hold true in any healthy marriage. Sometimes I think we can get scared or opposed to comparing our relationship to some standard because we feel like it takes away from the uniqueness or specifics of our situation. We are also masters of excuses and justifications. I understand that way of thinking and those tendencies, but there are some standards which should hold true despite your unique story. For example, abuse and adultery should not take place… we all agree on that, right? Similarly, there are additional standards which the Bible tells us we have a responsibility to uphold in marriage.
This is not some comprehensive list, just some pieces of scripture that are on my mind today. I am considering what it means for me to be a wife, a spouse, a partner in the way which the Lord intended. I think of Proverb 12:4 which tells me that “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” I don’t want to be like some rotting, painful, inescapable burden to my spouse. In a similar vein, I don’t want my husband to be like that for me, either. I want to be his crown, something which sets him apart and brings him glory, respect, and a peace of mind.
The main idea on my mind today is the fact that the relationship between Christ and us as the Church is the model for the relationship between a husband and wife, as outlined in Ephesians 5:22-33. Verse 33 states that “Each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” I feel like that is such a beautiful description, both in regard to Christ and the Church, and a husband and wife. Husbands, your model is Christ in how much and how selflessly He loves us. Wives, your model is the Church and how highly we honor and respect our Lord.
The question I need to ask myself is do I really respect my husband? Do I listen when he speaks and consider what he has to say? Do I trust his judgment and try to understand where he’s coming from? Do I put him above even myself in some aspects? Do I act in ways that will bring him honor instead of ways that will cause him shame or frustration? Those are all examples of how I can show respect to the man I chose to marry.
Likewise, what can I expect from my husband? I can expect him to love me even as he loves himself. Christ loves us even more than Himself and what joy and eternal security we can experience as a result! That is what symbolizes a husband sacrificially loving his wife, and how could a wife loved in such a way not respect her husband?!
I think men are easily tempted to love other things more than their wives (including themselves) and women are easily tempted to lose respect for their husbands and instead care more about others’ opinions (including their own), even of them. A huge part of love that isn’t talked about as much as it should be is the fact that you do give up parts of yourself in the act of love. You put aside your own needs and wants sometimes for the sake of another. Any good parent will know what I’m talking about. Well, likewise, so should any spouse.
I guess my self-reflection for today is considering what am I giving up or doing selflessly for my husband? What am I doing in a way that puts my own desires on the back burner and instead focuses on him for a while? How am I showing respect for my husband? And how am I not?
I think before we can bellyache about our spouses or complain that they’re the ones not treating us right, we need to examine ourselves and see if we’re really upholding our end of the bargain, as well. We can all do better and I think that when we focus on our end of the deal and strive to improve ourselves, it will cause the entire relationship to blossom. It will take work but it will be worth it. Be the spark that sets your whole relationship aglow.
Lord help me to fully become a Proverb 31:10-31 wife, HLC
sacred strokes 