I remember being painfully shy and quiet from about late elementary school through the start of high school. A lot of that was due to the typical insecurities which a lot of kids have during those years; and other parts were the results of some tougher stuff I had experienced; I hadn’t yet broken completely free from the fear of being hurt by speaking up. Plus, I’m an introvert, and so just keeping to myself seemed a good way to stay happy and safe and to not get picked on as much. I didn’t put myself out there because I was afraid of what would happen. I am so thankful that people in high school helped me learn to put myself out there more.
But I still remember those years of being afraid to speak up, afraid to ask questions, afraid to ask for anything at all. I was only little, and I didn’t know how people would react, so I just protected myself by keeping my thoughts and questions to myself. I think a lot of us can miss out on good friendships, good memories, because we’re too afraid to ask someone to hang out or do something. The idea of getting a “no” can terrify us if we value our dignity above the possibility of gaining a friendship. There is a Youtube video that went viral of a girl who drove back to the drive-thru a second time to ask the cashier if she wanted to have a sleepover, because the cashier had complimented her nails the first time through. (Forget stranger danger for the sake of this story, here.) That clip went viral because we all, deep down, would love to have such a boldness and willingness to put ourselves out there. I think we each desire to be fully open and fully vulnerable and fully accepted. Fully loved. But we are afraid. Afraid to get hurt and afraid to ask. And I think we can even apply this mindset to God…
Jesus said in Matthew 7:9-11, “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!” Jesus is making the point that, if we sinful humans provide for our children and give them the things they need or ask for (as at least most parents do), how much more will our perfectly good and loving Heavenly Father give us when we ask! (In fact, I am blown away by how much the Lord gives us even when we don’t.)
Many issues can arise when we’re afraid to ask. Afraid to ask forgiveness from someone who we have wronged. Afraid to ask the hard, pressing questions. Afraid to ask for the truth. Afraid to ask someone if they’re okay or if they are having an issue with us for some reason. Being afraid to ask can make us miss the blessings in the answers.
Most of the time, we are afraid for a reason. People have let us down before, we don’t even know if we can trust them, or we’re actually afraid of what the answer might be. It takes guts to ask the tough stuff and brace yourself for what may come. I think another reason we are afraid to ask is because we are afraid to be let down, and we’re afraid to get hurt. Maybe we don’t want someone to take it the wrong way or we don’t want to feel like we owe someone for anything. It’s all about us, baby, and we don’t owe no props to nobody. Haha I don’t know where that little sentence came from, but you get what I’m saying.
I think that there is a healthy place in our lives for fear – it was instilled in us for a reason. Self-preservation, survival instinct, all that – but the truly healthy fear I am talking about is the fear of the Lord. Such a high reverence and acknowledgment of His power, ability, and wisdom which we are so far beneath, that we can’t help but quake, even fall down before Him, at the thought. Scared of Him? No… that’s different. We serve a God who removes all other fears as a result of His great power and love for us.
Being afraid to ask is not a healthy fear. And God, of everyone, will never let you down. You might not get the answer you were expecting or hoping for, but even then your heart can be impacted for the better by His response. God knows what we want, the desires of our hearts, even more than we do! The Holy Spirit, wisdom, truth… they are all gifts that God wants to give us… but those are ones that He wants to know that we want, and for the right reasons. Those are special and I believe they are saved for those who He has prepared to receive them, and for those who actually ask for them.
Think of King Solomon… and not how he was at the end of his life, but during his reign as a good and wise king. Solomon asked for wisdom and God gave it to him. God gave him discernment, and not just the logical, pro/con list type of discernment… real, deep down, soul-satisfying wisdom that spoke truth about the human condition and revealed God’s will to people. All because he asked. Read Proverbs and tell me that guy wasn’t gifted… I mean, wow.
God wants to bless us with His Holy Spirit, to use us for His purposes, to be lights in this world. Jesus said in Luke 11:34-36, “Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness. See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be just as full of light as when a lamp shines its light on you.” Bodies full of light, shining for the Lord, what cool imagery. God is waiting to transform us in such a way, but I think we need the right attitude, and we also need to ask.
I mean, why not ask? It’s not like we can be any more indebted to the Lord, so the disdain for feeling like you “owe” someone isn’t a valid excuse to not ask. He wants to keep giving us the truly good stuff He has to offer! We can trust Him and He will not ever let us down. Sometimes we can’t grasp the answer we get, or why things happen, but I can assure you that no evil is ever done by the Lord. (Sin is rampant, seems to be the norm, and “shame on you for thinking someone is sinning” seems to be the attitude these days. But sin is why bad things happen in this world. Because sin entered and Satan has had a time to run the show for a while. Or at least… somewhat. We all know who really has the power, who holds the reins at the end of the day, who will settle it all and emerge truly and utterly triumphant when all is said and done. Who, in fact, has already won the war through His victory in Jesus. We’re just waiting for the last battle.)
My point is that God will not let us down, even when in our human, fleshly way of thinking, we feel like we didn’t get what we wanted. God knows what we want, but what matters even more to Him, is what He knows we need. Half the time, I don’t think we have a clue what we need. He does. The way we pray will speak volumes about what we’re really asking. There’s asking, and then there’s the attitude in which we’re asking.
Are we asking for specific outcomes, specific results? That can be okay! The Lord knows when we are being selfish or foolish and when we have truly sincere motives. You can pray specifically for a particular guy to like you, for a particular gift for your birthday, for a particular job, or for a particular outcome (like total healing) for someone who is seriously ill. Hopefully that brief series of examples demonstrates the fact that there’s a wide variety here, so I can’t make a blanket statement that praying for specifics is either good or not as good..
But know that praying for God’s will to be done, on earth as it is in heaven, is the greatest thing you can ask for. Rather than coming up with what you feel to be the best solution and praying for that, pray for God’s will to be done, for it to be revealed to those in the situation, for the outcome to be used regardless. That is a trusting, powerful way to pray and is even how Jesus teaches us to pray within the Lord’s prayer. Pray that you can be changed and that your heart can be softened and modified in the places where it is not aligning with God’s will, if it is pushing the Holy Spirit aside and reaching instead for only human desires.
Are you asking? If not, you should start. Don’t be afraid. If you are already asking, consider how you are asking. I believe, to my core, that when we are asking in the right spirit, for the right things, for those things which God is wanting and willing to give us, He will not fail to provide those things. When we are requesting merely what seems good to us, He may have other plans… and that is okay. Accepting the answer can be tough, but we may never know if we don’t ask.
Matthew 7:7-8 – “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
Prayer and petition, people. Put yourself out there. God will always accept the invite. -HLC
sacred strokes 